I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
