She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
