Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
