bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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