i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
