So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
