My first STD was from a foam party
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
