Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
