all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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