So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
farters have to be the big spoon...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
