On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
