I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
