Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
