He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
