it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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