Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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