from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize