so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
