And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
