I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
