Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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