My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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