i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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