recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
