this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
