There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
