vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
