she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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