eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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