ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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