Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
