as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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