Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
