Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
