Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
