What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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