I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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