winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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