he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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