why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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