come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
