break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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