i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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