So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
