Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
