i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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