i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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