what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
