fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
