i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
