My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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