Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
