I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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