i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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