I will die if light touches me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
