Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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