addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
