i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
