they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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