separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
