I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
