Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
