so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
