My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she peed on how many people?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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