I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
