Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
