You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
