now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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