wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
